Filth

Upon not Showering At All over the Weekend:

Observations...

• You do not need to shower every day. Some people do, you do not. Not until about midway through the third day, when you start realizing that that smell is you, and that the smelly guy you used to work with, the really smelly guy who you couldn't understand how he smelled so bad? Yeah, he smelled like how you smell now, and in one horrible moment you realize that a) he smelled like that because he thinks, day-to-day and not over a lazy I'm-not-going-outside weekend, it's okay not to bathe at all, and b) now you are that guy. Congratulations. Stinky.


• Chicks identify memories strongest with the sense of smell, and scent is the mot powerful (if not the only) tool we have against them, so use it well. Be advised: The mere mention that you may or may not have showered for a day, over the phone in a different city, will make them be less physically attracted to you for the rest of your life. You will never again make up that quotient.


• I use my washcloth when I take a shower everyday. It takes my washcloth longer than a day to become completely dry, hanging from the bar on the sliding door of my shower, and so my washcloth is never really completely without moisture. Usually, in the morning when I wash my body (creepy sounding), the rag has a chilly, clammy feel, which I remedy by running it under the piping hot shower water before I rub my face with it. After a few days absence from the shower, I'm surprised cobwebs haven't begun to form, when I see the petrified state my washcloth has assumed. It has become, essentially, a deep red peice of low-quality sandpaper, and can literally stand under its own power when folded in the middle. Also, it can be folded in the middle. It takes a while longer than usual under the spigot for the water to permeate, saturate, and maleate the cloth, which I opine has yet to regain its natural pre-washing-hiatus suppleness. Damn.


• Something built cobwebs in my shower.


• My hair, on the other hand, I honestly can not remember washing last. I have no idea when the last time I washed my hair was, suffice to say that my shampoo bottle has lasted approximately the same amount of time as my hair has without a cut, and when you have these glorious Agean ringlets down to your chest that's saying something about longevity, hear?


• I enjoy showers.

...

George Carlin has said that the only things you really need to wash are your armpits, asshole, crotch and mouth. I say that George Carlin needs to watch his poop mouth, and that we're all pretty sick of pretending to be delighted by his antics. If grandpa started talking like George Carlin does, we'd simply shut him away in a peaceful rest environment where he could scream to his attention-grabbing content. As it is, we're forced to celebrate his lewdness for the sake of being lewd. Why, because he's old? You'd boo a younger guy doing the same bit off the stage. But old guys?! Hell, old guys aren't supposed to be like that! Yes, I'll pay a hundred bucks for tickets to his show! Yes, I'll forward the e-mail based on his stand-up. Yes, I appreciate his outdated, archaically trash-shock-reliant comedy! Yes I'll purchase his newest ÇD! Idiots. The guy gets arrested for profanity in Jesusville, Wisconsin in the 1960s (where pretty much anyone with a pony tail was rounded up and stuck in the drunk tank until Vietnam was over, let alone Carlin calling the sheriff's wife a cunt) and to this day you'll shell out twenty bucks for "Shit my Fuck, You Cocking Dicklickers!" Yeah, that's high art. Proud day for your family, Carlin.

I'm not saying I don't still like him, I think his old stuff was hilarious. But that was forty. years. ago. And Carling is still doing the exact. same. bit. I'm sorry, but the world evolves, and comedy evolved along with it. Hell, he should be proud. He's one of the main reasons that it did.

In closing, I think Carlin still has a mastery of monologue. Of timing, rhythm, and syncopation, but his material is terrible, and he comes across as starving for much-needed attention. Attention he will recieve in spades once we rise up, as a people, and put him in a fucking home.

Eat shit motherfucker!... eat shit, motherfucker.