Certainty

No Doubt, as much as I enjoy the band, is constructed of a singer that used to be in a serious relationship with her bass player, and isn't anymore. There is nothing else going on with No Doubt.

Any other good band you can break down into the fantastic things that make it up. Morrisey's disenfrachised depression plus Johnny Mar's inventive and impressive guitarwork, Brad from Sublime's lyricism that micxed latin sympathies, street concerns, and hip-hop language with a ska/rock/reggae sound and masterful guitar work, the Offspring's accessible punk proclivites, their fierce and fearless hooks, and the savant-like musical gifts of Noodles.

No Doubt is all about Gwen and Tony's breakup. Gwen herself, in many ways, is all about her and Tony's breakup. twenty years later, it seems, and she's still hardly able to escape it, only driving the point further into the asphalt with "I Know We're Cool," which is a song about how she's married now. BUT IT'S STILL A SONG ABOUT TONY.

For God's sake... Simple Kind of Life, Spiderwebs, everything on Return of Saturn... hell, everything on everything. Everything the band has ever accomplished has been fueled by Gwen's star quality, and her star quality is fueled by her rejection complex. It all comes back to Tony. And now, she's married to Gavin Great-Hair and you'd think it'd all be over.

WRONG.

Deep down, we all know Gavin isn't right for her. Even if she can't see it, we know what's best for Gwen, and we were all hoping, deep withing our dark, dark cockels, that she'd eventually come around and that Tony would realize the HUGE mistake that he made and they'd get back together. Honestly, they should have. The only "problem" is that, were that to happen, that would be the end of No Doubt. Gwen's deep-seated insecurities would shrivel and die, the idea of national stardom and hip-hop collaborations would no longer appeal to her, and she and Tony would come home, settle down, and we'd all have big Sunday lunches together. That's what we're all thinking, but this whole Gavin thing doesn't fit in.

Personally, I'm waiting for the split. Gavin's a bit... fussy. I don't think they're going to make it, especially with this new wrinkle about the "16-year-old daughter Gwen didn't know about." Boooo. Tony wouldn't have done that to you, sweetie. You deserve better.

And yeah, it'd be the end of the band, but what better ending could there possibly be? Gwen leaving and the rest of them floundering as they attempt other projects? Abandonment and despair? Getting your head bashed in while you sleep by a co-boner in your rough sex perversion? Let's not go down that road, guys. No Doubt is a story, a story about a big/small-town group that makes it big even in the face of tumultuous internal relationships, how those rejections and settled friendships should have torn them apart but, instead, propelled them to glory, and how, in the end, love reigns supreme and Gwen and Tony get THE HELL TOGETHER. I mean, get it together, guys, and GET TOGETHER.

GET THE FUCK TOGETHER ALREADY.

...

So... I just wanted to talk about that. Also, now that I get to thinking about it, I miss Brad a lot. I wish he were still around. I don't think he gave us enough before he left. I'm grateful for it all, as I'm sure everyone is who appreciates his music, but I just get the feeling like he, more than any of the musicians we file under "lesson for the teenagers," finished himself before he actually finished. Anyway, Brad was the shit, and I'm glad I can still listen to what he did, I wish I could hear what he should have done.

...

And, finally, a Survey:

Watching yourself rock out on the guitar in your kitchen, watching yourself do so in the reflection of the oven in which your mom is cooking up a lasagna.

Dork, or, Not Dork?

The Answer when we Return, here, on Dead Language Land.

Answer: Dork.