ENSP

Would sleeping now really help me do better on my last final tomorrow, an undoubtedly lengthy and gruelingly challenging essay? I'm not so sure. I just finished going over this script front to back, I think I know enough about it to do well on the test and I'm fairly certain I know enough about film to do that anyway, but this man grades in such a tough manner its hard to say.

Tough. Hard. Difficult.

Notice I use the word "challenging" to describe the essay and not "difficult." The fact is that this class has probably been one of my favorites (my Asian art class pulling out a surprising lead) but the man grades you as a college professor is supposed to grade you, which gets in the way of my plans for Master's study. On the other hand, the A's I get in other classes I always feel like I deserve, but I don't always feel like I earn. An A from this man would be validation beyond my wildest dreams. If I could get an A from him, then I understand film more than I ever thought I would. Such is the power of this professor. I want him to be my mentor. I also want my British film professor to be my mentor. I guess I just want a fucking mentor, people. Help a nigger out. I'm gonna need those recommendations eventually, and in the meantime I'm tired of trying to squeeze myself into discussions with my contemporaries and settle for arguing why Monthy Python was funnier when lampooning religion or politics THEY'RE JUST FUCKING FUNNY YOU BASTARD SHITS I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

I attended class today when the graduate kids were giving their final presentations, and was publicly outed for my underclassmanship. I hate it when that happens, I suddenly become an untouchable in the room. Only the most charitable of students would give me a handout at that point, lest my inexperience rub off on them and their noses begin falling off. I have to say: unimpressed. Their presentations were either boring or uninformative, nothing I couldn't have learned from watching the damned film myself. Here's what I garnered from this last class session listening to the future of film study:

Graduate students are either...

• Idiots


• Pretentious frauds


• Pop-culture monkeys


• Pathetic college addicts who believe their personae of bookwormy brainiacs will get them laid and are unfortunately wrong in both their assumption and their UNDERSTANDING OF FILM

I don't mean to make the bullet-point list an unflagging feature here at DeadLanguage, but it seemed the right format for the job. Very bauhaus, was my decision, in this regard.

...

Worshipping Buddha is Buddhism. Following the teachings of Confucius is Confucianism. Not believing in a god is Aethism.

Why, then, are people who pray to Mecca said to follow Islam? Their religion's name should follow the same rules as everyone else's.

They should follow Mechanism.

HA!

...

So the hatefest that is my entire life continues unabated into my upper-division college years, and the job I recently landed will necessitate the dropping of at least one of my classes (which I'll have to replace just so's I can graduate on time, if that even really matters anymore), and I haven't seen my girlfriend in a week and it's driving me fucking nuts. I can't stop eating these chocolate covered raisins, as soon as I taste the handful I just threw into my gaping maw I feel the undeniable urge to replace the flavor, the pattern of which perpetuates itself until I feel sick or, God willing, I eventually run out of chocolate covered raisins. I am a fat boy, a fat boy who is INTO chocolate covered raisins.

eat two more chocolate covered raisins....

Anyway, (two more, before I even realized what I was doing. Honestly, I need help) sleep couldn't hurt, and my soft, soft bed is calling to me with its soft, soft self and its see-saw...

Shelf.

My new filing system is to throw paper willy-nilly about the room, which makes for a real dynamic moment of filing, and then picking them up off the floor with my toes before I stomp them down into the trashcan. This system does not work well if for "filing," you use the definition of "storing papers you wish to keep" and not "throwing shit all over the place because it looks neat and is fun."

But then that's your discrepancy. Good day, sir.

Y'all seen that new Kong joint? It stars my cat.