Tarantella
You have poisonous fangs. You have eight appendages, which would be enough for most animals, yet you have an additional two for the sole purpose of delivering your prey into your terrifying, oscillating maw. You have a goodly number of eyes, the number of which most likely ends up as odd, and you are capable of building your home most anywhere you see fit, which in turn help you to ensnare your victims as it is the relative tensile strength of high-grade steel. You are covered in bristling "hair," which can lead to severe irritation and even damage of eyes, airways, and other sensitive organs upon contact. You are the largest of the arachnids.
None of this, however, alleviates the fact that your face looks like a butt.
A big hairy butt.
And none of this, none of it, will help you when, after you've pushed Luke Skywalker one too many times, Old Ben Kenobi decides it's time to step in and Yojimbo your sorry ass. Next time, just let it go, that little one wasn't worth the trouble. Grow from your experience. You're not a bad ass. You're an ass-face.
Ass face.
I hate spiders. When I talk to most people about their particular great fears, they can usually tell me an experience that led to their irrational phobia, or at least can hazard a guess as to which experience they think is the most likely candidate. I can't for the life of me remember ever specifically or particularly running afoul of one of these little critters, but I hate them. O, how I hate them so. You don't need that many legs.
But I do like cephalopods, which begs the question if their polypodia is not in fact the reason that I take issue with this disciples of Satan. Perhaps it is the faculty of multiple eyes that I find so repugnant in their visages. My cuddly cuttlefish friends and their relations hitherto have stayed the course of the ocular deuce. I may have unlocked a secret in my own tortured psyche here.
So... I guess... the lesson for the day, kiddles, is to have two eyes and to not piss of Obi Wan Kenobi, because he will chop you the hell in half without a second thought, and all you'll have to show for your false bravado is one less limb and eight-to-nine eyes glistening with tears of pain and loss. Don't fuck with Jedis.
Don't fuck with Jedis.
Defeating a God on God Mode is God Awful.
None of this, however, alleviates the fact that your face looks like a butt.
A big hairy butt.
And none of this, none of it, will help you when, after you've pushed Luke Skywalker one too many times, Old Ben Kenobi decides it's time to step in and Yojimbo your sorry ass. Next time, just let it go, that little one wasn't worth the trouble. Grow from your experience. You're not a bad ass. You're an ass-face.
Ass face.
I hate spiders. When I talk to most people about their particular great fears, they can usually tell me an experience that led to their irrational phobia, or at least can hazard a guess as to which experience they think is the most likely candidate. I can't for the life of me remember ever specifically or particularly running afoul of one of these little critters, but I hate them. O, how I hate them so. You don't need that many legs.
But I do like cephalopods, which begs the question if their polypodia is not in fact the reason that I take issue with this disciples of Satan. Perhaps it is the faculty of multiple eyes that I find so repugnant in their visages. My cuddly cuttlefish friends and their relations hitherto have stayed the course of the ocular deuce. I may have unlocked a secret in my own tortured psyche here.
So... I guess... the lesson for the day, kiddles, is to have two eyes and to not piss of Obi Wan Kenobi, because he will chop you the hell in half without a second thought, and all you'll have to show for your false bravado is one less limb and eight-to-nine eyes glistening with tears of pain and loss. Don't fuck with Jedis.
Don't fuck with Jedis.
Defeating a God on God Mode is God Awful.
posted by DeadLanguage at 6:23 PM
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