Pull No Punches, No Holds Barred
To everyone who attended the L.A. Zoo this Saturday, June 25th, YOOL 2005:
NO MATTER WHAT BULLSHIT NOISE YOU'RE MAKING, BE IT HOOTING, SCREECHING, MEOWING, OR HOWLING, THE ANIMAL DOES NOT THINK YOU ARE ANOTHER ANIMAL AND IT WILL NOT REACT TO YOUR DUMB ASS.
THE ONLY REACTION YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET FROM SUCH BEHAVIOR IS MINE, WHICH WILL LARGELY CONSIST OF BLUNT TRAUMA TO THE BASE OF YOUR SKULL.
I swear to Batman... what the hell is wrong with people? The caterwauling at these poor creatures is bad enough, but I witnessed with mine own peepers a GROWN MAN hopping over a fence to retrieve some detritus that he might then throw it at an orangutan sitting as close as it possibly could to the fence. What, was the ape too close for you? Was he invading your space, and you want to assert your dominant status? Is the monkey a threat to you? ARE YOU A COMPLETE DICK?
Regardless of the humans that also happen to be at the zoo on full display (and really should be in motherfucking cages) it was a lovely time. I saw parts of a pangolin, and a tiger, and I saw sifakas, and a myriad of ca-poo-chins, which I'm sure at least one person who reads this damn thing will appreciate. It was even the "crested capuchin," which is known for its scenester fauxhawk haircut. Wow. What a fantastic day today has been. The zoo, the pool, some pizza... a little mock procreation... wonderful, wonderful time. I really couldn't ask for anything better than the Mrs. to make my life worth living, and I'm extremely lucky/blessed/thankful to have her. And once she reads this, I expect a full PLATTER of Rice Krispie Treats. On the double.
At practice yestermorn, the topic was brought up that many of the knights that have fought with us and have attempted to "teach" us how to fight (knight being anyone who kisses enough ass to earn a white belt from the then-current royals who, more often than not, have been friends with the advanced since childhood or some such guarantee of service like that) have brought up the concept of it being "cheesy" to take limbs, specifically arms, while fighting. Meaning this:
If I'm fighting a certain knight, and he sticks his arm way out in front of him while swinging at my head, attempting to kill me, he will think it is... ahem... "cheesy" for me to shoot my weapon out and quickly lop his arm off.
What I think this essentially boils down to is, "Hey... no fair! I wanna win!" Knights will do anything in their power to keep from being beaten, so putting forth some non-existent unwritten law about not-killing-people-too-much is something of their stock-in-trade. They hate it when you figure out a way to kill them, especially if the trick involves exploiting something they've been doing for so long that they can't undo it right away. If they can't be allowed their clear shot at your head at full force, they don't want to be involved with you. Goodness knows they're not going to stick around while you pick them apart, rendering them almost completely helpless.
My basic modus operandi is this:
Kill everyone.
If I have to stand there taking you apart, peice by peice, so be it. I'm not held to any imaginary standards that stem from your fear of fighting. I will dismantle you until there are no more parts left on you that can cause me damage. And then, I will kill you. I will kill you SO HARD.
I've fallen behind again on my movie-responsibilities... namely the pledge I made to write a review for every movie I saw. Right now, I'm think I'm about four behind, so I'm going to try and catch the hell up, as falling behind a progressive commitment is a slippery slope I know all too well. Also, I think I've figure out how to put pictures on this dang ol' thingy... so if this post happens to end with an image of a pangolin, nature's perfect being, so be it. All things serve the beam, ka is a wheel, etcetera, etcetera.
See you in the BEEEEEOOOOOAAAAAAIIIIIITCH!
Damn, that's beautiful.
NO MATTER WHAT BULLSHIT NOISE YOU'RE MAKING, BE IT HOOTING, SCREECHING, MEOWING, OR HOWLING, THE ANIMAL DOES NOT THINK YOU ARE ANOTHER ANIMAL AND IT WILL NOT REACT TO YOUR DUMB ASS.
THE ONLY REACTION YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET FROM SUCH BEHAVIOR IS MINE, WHICH WILL LARGELY CONSIST OF BLUNT TRAUMA TO THE BASE OF YOUR SKULL.
I swear to Batman... what the hell is wrong with people? The caterwauling at these poor creatures is bad enough, but I witnessed with mine own peepers a GROWN MAN hopping over a fence to retrieve some detritus that he might then throw it at an orangutan sitting as close as it possibly could to the fence. What, was the ape too close for you? Was he invading your space, and you want to assert your dominant status? Is the monkey a threat to you? ARE YOU A COMPLETE DICK?
Regardless of the humans that also happen to be at the zoo on full display (and really should be in motherfucking cages) it was a lovely time. I saw parts of a pangolin, and a tiger, and I saw sifakas, and a myriad of ca-poo-chins, which I'm sure at least one person who reads this damn thing will appreciate. It was even the "crested capuchin," which is known for its scenester fauxhawk haircut. Wow. What a fantastic day today has been. The zoo, the pool, some pizza... a little mock procreation... wonderful, wonderful time. I really couldn't ask for anything better than the Mrs. to make my life worth living, and I'm extremely lucky/blessed/thankful to have her. And once she reads this, I expect a full PLATTER of Rice Krispie Treats. On the double.
At practice yestermorn, the topic was brought up that many of the knights that have fought with us and have attempted to "teach" us how to fight (knight being anyone who kisses enough ass to earn a white belt from the then-current royals who, more often than not, have been friends with the advanced since childhood or some such guarantee of service like that) have brought up the concept of it being "cheesy" to take limbs, specifically arms, while fighting. Meaning this:
If I'm fighting a certain knight, and he sticks his arm way out in front of him while swinging at my head, attempting to kill me, he will think it is... ahem... "cheesy" for me to shoot my weapon out and quickly lop his arm off.
What I think this essentially boils down to is, "Hey... no fair! I wanna win!" Knights will do anything in their power to keep from being beaten, so putting forth some non-existent unwritten law about not-killing-people-too-much is something of their stock-in-trade. They hate it when you figure out a way to kill them, especially if the trick involves exploiting something they've been doing for so long that they can't undo it right away. If they can't be allowed their clear shot at your head at full force, they don't want to be involved with you. Goodness knows they're not going to stick around while you pick them apart, rendering them almost completely helpless.
My basic modus operandi is this:
Kill everyone.
If I have to stand there taking you apart, peice by peice, so be it. I'm not held to any imaginary standards that stem from your fear of fighting. I will dismantle you until there are no more parts left on you that can cause me damage. And then, I will kill you. I will kill you SO HARD.
I've fallen behind again on my movie-responsibilities... namely the pledge I made to write a review for every movie I saw. Right now, I'm think I'm about four behind, so I'm going to try and catch the hell up, as falling behind a progressive commitment is a slippery slope I know all too well. Also, I think I've figure out how to put pictures on this dang ol' thingy... so if this post happens to end with an image of a pangolin, nature's perfect being, so be it. All things serve the beam, ka is a wheel, etcetera, etcetera.
See you in the BEEEEEOOOOOAAAAAAIIIIIITCH!
Damn, that's beautiful.
posted by DeadLanguage at 2:38 AM
1 Comments:
Kah-Poo-Chan
What is that creature, the picture I mean... I am going to offer a guess... is it a "Velcro"?
Post a Comment
<< Home