#2

Considering how it has become such a large part of my personality, I give a lot of thought to defecation. In specific, I have begun to give darling names to certain acts of excretion, particularly where these acts happen to take place (as, anyone can tell you, the location of perpetration influences the social and personal effects of the undertaking). It is in this spirit that I offer the following:

Taking a shit at work: "Drivin' the Carpool"

Taking a shit at school (college level): "Visiting the Dean"

Taking a shit at school (high school level): "Furthering My Education"

Taking a shit in college housing (dorms, apartments, etc.): "Cramming the Finals"

Taking a shit at a friend's house: "Disliking Your Company"

Taking a shit on your friend: "Hilarious"

Taking a shit in the ocean: "Makin' Carp"

Taking a shit in the pool: "Testing the Filter"

Taking a really big shit in the pool: "Makin' the Deep End Shallow"

Taking a shit in the woods: "Enraging the Bears"

Taking a shit in the woods (light snow): "Cloggin' the Toboggan"

Taking a shit at the beach (in bathroom): "Signaling Poseidon"

Taking a shit at the beach (in the sand): "Kittyin' Up/Kittyin' it Up"

Taking a shit on a loved one (sexual gratification): "Strengthening the Case for my Execution"

Taking a shit on a loved one (joke): "Hilarious"

Taking a shit in a government institution: "Letting the Terrorists Win"

Taking a shit on camera: "Chewing the Scenery"

Taking a shit in a park: " Soddin' "

Taking a shit on camera in a park: "The Blair Twitch"

Taking a shit in a portable receptacle (illness, road trip emergency, use for future prank): "Preparing for Winter"

Taking a shit as a result of a hilarious prank (laxatives... I suppose that's it): "Paying the Piper"

Taking a shit in the face of your musical heritage and all concept of art or expressive legitmacy: "Creed"

Taking a shit in thoughtful preparation (surgery, examination, anal sex, easy clean-up after suicide/expected imminent death): "The Gift of the Magi"

Taking a shit and having the water splash back onto you: "5's Across the Board"

Holding a shit in for the strangely pleasurable feeling (male): "Thermopylae"

Taking a shit at several locations progressively along a journey, perhaps after having eaten something that did not agree with you or simply as a result of impassioned pooping: "Painting the Town Corn"

And finally...

Taking a shit at your girlfriend's house early on in the relationship: "Death of a Salesman"

I'm very proud of myself.

How many did I just come up with? How many had I thought of before? The world may never know.