Rave Reviews
I found this while going through some of my writings from a while back. I think, rather than wasting valuable time and energy attempting to create fresh material, I'll simply purge my vast stores of previously written material! I will become like unto a fountain of new media.
Here's what people are saying about Max Naylor, author of
"I've known Max for years. He's quite a man. His words are something that everyone should experience before they die."
"Something like Mr. Naylor's poetry comes along rarely. It's a wonderful thing."
"I really don't think I can talk about it right now."
"I met him in a bar in Manhattan eight years ago. He was complaining about the heat. He hasn't changed much."
"Him? Kind of a dick. Good writer though."
"Floating across the bay I told him I loved his book, that he should put the gun down. Later, after he'd shot out the bottom of my boat, we went fishing off the pier. I loved that boat."
"No comment."
"His book changed my life."
"His book's alright, but he's not well. I don't think he's left his apartment in two months."
"This isn't the time to discuss this, Max. Just let me get on with my life. Stop calling me."
"You're a monster."
"Max Naylor buys, Max Naylor pays. Max Naylor hails on my rainy days."
"Comparing Max to Tolstoy, to Bradbury, even to Martin, would be an almost certain comparison."
"Hello? Hello? Max, is this you? I can hear you breathing. You need to stop this."
"He lent me a copy of his book, once. Kept saying I should read it. It's alright, I guess."
"Mr. Naylor? We've received multiple complaints about you harassing one Meredith Beck?"
"The book is somewhere between Melville and Bukowski. In the living room. I'll get to it eventually."
"No, I don't have any comment on his book, I just... wait... is this you, Max?"
"I told you to stop calling me! It's over! When are you going to get this through your head?"
"I would never marry you! This would be scary if you weren't so pathetic! Fuck you, Max! Leave me the fuck alone!"
"No, I don't have any quotes for your fucking novel! That's it!"
"A real page turner. Sure."
"...and Mr. Naylor is to remain no less than 500 yards away form Ms. Beck at all times..."
"Goodbye, Max. I don't ever want to see you again. You come near the house again and I'll have you locked the fuck up with all your other degenerate friends. Burn in fucking hell, you demon."
Here's what people are saying about Max Naylor, author of
Bourbon, Ash, and Netflix Trash
"I've known Max for years. He's quite a man. His words are something that everyone should experience before they die."
-Tom Stoppard, Ed. Misanthrope Quarterly
"Something like Mr. Naylor's poetry comes along rarely. It's a wonderful thing."
-Jules Kahain, Author
"I really don't think I can talk about it right now."
-Meredith Beck, Ex-Girlfriend
"I met him in a bar in Manhattan eight years ago. He was complaining about the heat. He hasn't changed much."
-Pavil Florescu, Columnist
"Him? Kind of a dick. Good writer though."
-Philip J. Woo, Poet/Barista
"Floating across the bay I told him I loved his book, that he should put the gun down. Later, after he'd shot out the bottom of my boat, we went fishing off the pier. I loved that boat."
-Theodore Crenshaw, Former Yachtsman
"No comment."
-Meredith Beck, Ex-Girlfriend
"His book changed my life."
-Cecil Warmueller, Publishist
"His book's alright, but he's not well. I don't think he's left his apartment in two months."
-Elizabeth Warmeuller, Nosy-Nancy
"This isn't the time to discuss this, Max. Just let me get on with my life. Stop calling me."
-Meredith Beck, Ex-Girlfriend
"You're a monster."
-Meredith Beck, Girlfriend
"Max Naylor buys, Max Naylor pays. Max Naylor hails on my rainy days."
-Keith Killarney, Satirist/Idiot
"Comparing Max to Tolstoy, to Bradbury, even to Martin, would be an almost certain comparison."
-Rube Thompson, Critic/Part-Time Raconteur
"Hello? Hello? Max, is this you? I can hear you breathing. You need to stop this."
-Meredith Beck, Totally Still Girlfriend
"He lent me a copy of his book, once. Kept saying I should read it. It's alright, I guess."
-Ed Stanton, Owner, Discount Surveillance Depot
"Mr. Naylor? We've received multiple complaints about you harassing one Meredith Beck?"
-Officer Stanley Crutchpike, Professional Meddler
"The book is somewhere between Melville and Bukowski. In the living room. I'll get to it eventually."
-Tom Naylor, Sarcast/Father/Coot
"No, I don't have any comment on his book, I just... wait... is this you, Max?"
-Meredith Beck, Overly Suspicious Girlfriend
"I told you to stop calling me! It's over! When are you going to get this through your head?"
-Meredith Beck, Fiance'
"I would never marry you! This would be scary if you weren't so pathetic! Fuck you, Max! Leave me the fuck alone!"
-Meredith Beck, Temporarily Estranged Lover
"No, I don't have any quotes for your fucking novel! That's it!"
-Meredith Beck, Wife and Mother
"A real page turner. Sure."
-Anon., Man Outside Courthouse
"...and Mr. Naylor is to remain no less than 500 yards away form Ms. Beck at all times..."
-Judge Nathan Stockholm
"Goodbye, Max. I don't ever want to see you again. You come near the house again and I'll have you locked the fuck up with all your other degenerate friends. Burn in fucking hell, you demon."
-Meredith Beck, Bitch
Jokes written two years ago: Hilarious.
posted by DeadLanguage at 8:37 PM
3 comments
