Things You Don't Need!©
We will return to "Bitch, Grow Your Bangs Out!" after a word from our sponsors.
Are you tired of waiting for a big pot of water to boil?
And what about difficult straining techniques?
Have you had enough of the hell on earth that is pasta preparation?
Well, luckily, we have the answer for you!
No longer will you be forced to live with the shame of your inability to prepare what is, possibly, the easiest of all conceivable meals! No longer will you blame yourself for your complete lack of aptitude at the simplest of tasks!
You see, you were born with an inherent ineptitude that renders you incapable of living life as would a normal human being! You will probably need some kind of special, pasta-preparing device that can help you with difficult processes whch include but are not necessarily limited to:
I'm sure, in the future, this superfluous and absurd contraption you purchased from a televised montebank will serve you well. Just don't try to make a bowl of cereal! You might burn the fucking house down!
Good luck, buddy!
What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Are you tired of waiting for a big pot of water to boil?
And what about difficult straining techniques?
Have you had enough of the hell on earth that is pasta preparation?
Well, luckily, we have the answer for you!
YOU'RE DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED!
No longer will you be forced to live with the shame of your inability to prepare what is, possibly, the easiest of all conceivable meals! No longer will you blame yourself for your complete lack of aptitude at the simplest of tasks!
You see, you were born with an inherent ineptitude that renders you incapable of living life as would a normal human being! You will probably need some kind of special, pasta-preparing device that can help you with difficult processes whch include but are not necessarily limited to:
- Boiling water!
- Putting pieces of pasta into a pot of said water!
- Waiting ten goddamn minutes!
- Pouring the contents of said pot into some kind of futuristic straining device!
- Adding butter! (?)
- Eating the damn pasta, you moron!
I'm sure, in the future, this superfluous and absurd contraption you purchased from a televised montebank will serve you well. Just don't try to make a bowl of cereal! You might burn the fucking house down!
Good luck, buddy!
What the fuck is wrong with you?!
This has been a paid commercial advertisement for Fuck You, Pasta Express®
posted by DeadLanguage at 4:02 AM
3 comments
