Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Southern Igloopus

...In which we examine the life cycle and behavioral habits of octopus beachkulerus, better known as the Southern Igloo Octopus.




We begin our voyage at sunset in the vast, uncharted land oceans of Southern California, specifically the tepid waters of the Anaheim coast. There, we find the habitat of the Igloo Octopus, a fascinating and rarely-encountered species.




In short order, a fine specimen is caught and scrutinized. Known for its bright coloration and ferocious temper when confronted, this little fella didn't seem to pleased to be brought from its home among the dark kelp forests and labyrinthine coral reefs into the harsh and clinical world of a oceanographic research laboratory, but was soon calmed by an offering of mackerel, its favorite dietary staple, laced with a mixture of generic-brand Vodka and Mexican codeine. Thus placated, the examination could begin.





With an armspan measuring approximately three inches and a body length of approximately four inches, the Igloo Octopus is hardly a presupposing character, especially when compared to its cousin, the giant Northern Pacific, or even the Brookside Medley Octopus (known for its prehensile horns and love of quiet seclusion). The orange coloration visible on its mantle and at the tips of its tentacles identify the specimen as a juvenile, though its size is perhaps the most misleading of any accurate aging method.

The Igloo Octopus has a curious developmental trait that separates it from any of its cephalopod relatives. To demonstrate this effect, the specimen is placed within a man-made simulation of its natural habitat, the Southern California coastal "igloo."




The "igloos" the octopus would choose as its home in the wild are communal systems comprising organisms such as coral, krill, live rock and polyps which exist in a cooperative polyhabitation. The shape of the igloo container is formed as the separate organisms band together to create a "murder hole" in which nutrients and prey can be caught, kept, and consumed at leisure. Like the clownfish to the sea anemone, the Southern Igloo Octopus, or Igloopus, has a symbiotic relationship with free-growing igloos, and can not be harmed by the amalgamation's digestive enzymes or poisonous barbs. While the recreation above is easily confused with its naturally occurring counterpart, we assure you this version was hand-made by craftsman at our labs back in Gainesville, Florida, and is composed of artificial materials such as polystyrene, neoprene, and dreams.





The specimen is placed within the tank, which will serve as both home and inescapable prison to the beast in the following weeks during the course of our experiment.




Threatened by the invasive examination and rising from its sedative-induced stupor, the Igloopus sulks to the bottom of the container, and releases a soupy cloud of thick, milky "cum," the animal's primary defense technique.

To properly observe the effect of the habitat on the animals, we will allow this juvenile enough time to enter the next stage of its life cycle, at which point we will again visit the enclosure to catalogue its progress.






ONE MONTH LATER







A month has passed, and the artificial coral igloo stands stoically in the failing light of a beautiful day. The craftsmanship and attention to detail of the unit is substantiated by the environment around it, as nature has begun to take back even those heathen ingredients unnaturally ripped from her bounty.




Near a plastic big containing a bra and two DVDs, a spider has built a web adjoining the cask. It is unclear whether or not Steven Turbow of Century 21 aided in its search for proper housing, though the arachnid does seem to be in possession of corroborating paperwork.





It may not appear obvious at first glance upon opening the igloo after lo these many days, and the water provides enough distortion to fool the eye, but here is perfectly demonstrated the peculiar behavior of "rapid localized gigantism."




As a juvenile, the igloopus will choose a fledgling coral igloo as its nest, and will spend the rest of its life there, leaving only to mate and occasionally to hunt for food when scavengings from the igloo's prey are scarce.




As the myriad creatures that make up the igloo mature, the igloo itself grows. This is where the fascinating adaptation of the igloopus comes into play. As the igloo grows in size, so does the igloopus, growing through some miracle of evolution exactly as large as his lair will allow. No more, no less. When the igloo has finished its maturation, the octopus will have also reached the end of its growth stage, and will occupy the fullest amount of space possible for the igloo to still function. If an igloopus, at full maturity, is taken out of its home igloo and placed in a larger space, it may still grow long after the maturation process has ended, the body attempting to better fill its new surroundings.



Since the igloopus has yet to reach sexual maturity in its relatively short lifespan, we will once again return it to its prefabricated den.




Hopefully, when once again we return, the igloopus will continue to show us the wonderment of this unique attribute. And, hopefully,




I'll still be wearing an extremely attractive shirt.



YET ANOTHER MONTH LATER CAN YOU BELIEVE IT







Oh, now this is a real treat. A classic display of the genus' tendency to "stack" objects on and around the igloo when they feel insecure or hungry. The intelligence of this animal is readily apparent as, with only one previous return to the igloo container, already it has begun to anticipate our return, and took steps to safeguard its home. So like us.




By slapping aside the paltry obstruction and roughly extricating the beast form its lair, we can see that, while its coloration still denotes a juvenile state and, thus, the ability to grow, the limitations of its chosen igloo are such that it has already reached maximum volume for its sanctuary, and thus has changed little since last we saw it, certainly nowhere near the enormous difference between our last visit and its initial capture.

Our experiment over, the octopus will need to be coaxed back into a smaller mass ratio, that it might have better luck in finding a suitably immature igloo upon its release back into the wild.




We hope you've enjoyed this look into the nature of one of the most amazing and magnificent animals on this planet. Remember, there is much you can do to help save the Southern Igloo Octopus, including donating used beach coolers to the United Californian Coral Restructuring Concern, where they will be put to use much as our example above, as a renewable and durable substitute for the fragile and dwindling numbers of coral igloos.






I'd like to be, under the sea...

4 Comments:

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I still check this everyday.

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Blogger Ol' Peg Leg said...

"So like us."

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