Logomachy
In that some use the word "fashion," while I use the phrase "spitting into the air and trying to make it land not-quite-as-squarely on your face as everyone else is."
I was walking by Hollister the other day with the Mrs., and I realized that most of their mannequins are semi-nude. I commented that it was an odd thing, a clothing store with advertisements consisiting of, conceptually, what their product is supposed to conceal. She, being she, responded that they were using nudity in order to push their product, to which I rebutted that it would be wiser to use fat, unseemly mannequins. Mannequins covered in moles and hair. Mannequins with skin diseases.
If their mannequins must be half naked, give the public a complex. Let the consumers think they look like that when they're naked (because they obviously believe they look like the models when they do wear the clothes) and they'll buy burlap sacks from you to hide themselves.
Recently, however, I've heard the theory that what we're seeing on the red carpets of all these whack-fests that are the Spring award shows (you fucking Oscars included... anyone having an Oscar Party should be dragged into the street and bludgeoned with tiny, golden sticks) is what the general public will be wearing... get ready for it... IN THE FUTURE!!!
There. You've made me use multiple exclamation points, you bastard society. Are you happy now?
Anyway, somewhere between the skimpy celebrity outfits, the general "string-ification" of all forms of apparel today, and the nude mannequins flanking Hollister, I have formed a theory concerning western fashion in the next hundred years, provided we're still alive after the President's "Kill Everyone" campaign.
I believe, in the future, small accessories will be sold, say a wristband or a pendant... but only accessories, nothing large and nothing remotely enshrouding. It is with the purchase of this trinket, this waiver, that you will be fashioably allowed to don the new chic. The item, whatever it may be, will cost a pretty penny, as almost all other clothing, within the context of the style, will be rendered obsolete, indeed, unecessary. Old styles, retrograde withstanding, will be cast aside, as the new fashion revolution, Nudity, sweeps the world.
Clothing will continue in its evolution as it is now, until it has withered away to none but a collar around the neck, a string of elastic around the waist. One's body will become one's fashion statement. UV protectant shrouds will be sold for skin protection during the summer months, to be used in conjunction with existing sunblock technology, but all uniform, and all completely transparent (as will be the thermal winter wraps). What is more individual, more expressive, than the singular fingerprint that is one's own naked body? As trends reveal more and more, the Puritan values our society holds will wan and wither, and will soon enough be forgotten, to be replaced by a coming freedom of the flesh.
Of course, you can't just walk out of your house naked. That's simply not gonna do. You'd need the trinket, the addendum, as a passport to the world of high society. Only by purchasing one of these expensive items would you be able to walk among the crowds of the fashionista. Without it, you're simply some stark naked/raving lunatic. Besides, think of the savings! One item is your entire ensemble! Hell, it's practically your entire wardrobe.
The lower classes will be easily identified, clad in their budget-cost "sweaters," and "blue jeans," their discontinued Versace suits and Louis Vuitton bags worn as hats. The elite will pity them, in their compassionate, declothed natures, hoping deep in their hearts that one day they'll be able to climb up out of the gutters and buy some decent non-clothes. Unclothes.
Whatever.
O yes, my children, I can see it all. Transparent plastic sole protectors... a discreet bag with a fold-out temperature-resistant mat for sitting on cold or hot surfaces... public fornication becoming much more prevalent.
O yes... I have seen the future.
And it's naked.
Today's my first day as a junior at Chapman University. I'll be updating again today with a run-down of how it went, as I'm on break in between classes right now and would prefer to judge the day as a whole. You understand. And care.
I was walking by Hollister the other day with the Mrs., and I realized that most of their mannequins are semi-nude. I commented that it was an odd thing, a clothing store with advertisements consisiting of, conceptually, what their product is supposed to conceal. She, being she, responded that they were using nudity in order to push their product, to which I rebutted that it would be wiser to use fat, unseemly mannequins. Mannequins covered in moles and hair. Mannequins with skin diseases.
If their mannequins must be half naked, give the public a complex. Let the consumers think they look like that when they're naked (because they obviously believe they look like the models when they do wear the clothes) and they'll buy burlap sacks from you to hide themselves.
Recently, however, I've heard the theory that what we're seeing on the red carpets of all these whack-fests that are the Spring award shows (you fucking Oscars included... anyone having an Oscar Party should be dragged into the street and bludgeoned with tiny, golden sticks) is what the general public will be wearing... get ready for it... IN THE FUTURE!!!
There. You've made me use multiple exclamation points, you bastard society. Are you happy now?
Anyway, somewhere between the skimpy celebrity outfits, the general "string-ification" of all forms of apparel today, and the nude mannequins flanking Hollister, I have formed a theory concerning western fashion in the next hundred years, provided we're still alive after the President's "Kill Everyone" campaign.
I believe, in the future, small accessories will be sold, say a wristband or a pendant... but only accessories, nothing large and nothing remotely enshrouding. It is with the purchase of this trinket, this waiver, that you will be fashioably allowed to don the new chic. The item, whatever it may be, will cost a pretty penny, as almost all other clothing, within the context of the style, will be rendered obsolete, indeed, unecessary. Old styles, retrograde withstanding, will be cast aside, as the new fashion revolution, Nudity, sweeps the world.
Clothing will continue in its evolution as it is now, until it has withered away to none but a collar around the neck, a string of elastic around the waist. One's body will become one's fashion statement. UV protectant shrouds will be sold for skin protection during the summer months, to be used in conjunction with existing sunblock technology, but all uniform, and all completely transparent (as will be the thermal winter wraps). What is more individual, more expressive, than the singular fingerprint that is one's own naked body? As trends reveal more and more, the Puritan values our society holds will wan and wither, and will soon enough be forgotten, to be replaced by a coming freedom of the flesh.
Of course, you can't just walk out of your house naked. That's simply not gonna do. You'd need the trinket, the addendum, as a passport to the world of high society. Only by purchasing one of these expensive items would you be able to walk among the crowds of the fashionista. Without it, you're simply some stark naked/raving lunatic. Besides, think of the savings! One item is your entire ensemble! Hell, it's practically your entire wardrobe.
The lower classes will be easily identified, clad in their budget-cost "sweaters," and "blue jeans," their discontinued Versace suits and Louis Vuitton bags worn as hats. The elite will pity them, in their compassionate, declothed natures, hoping deep in their hearts that one day they'll be able to climb up out of the gutters and buy some decent non-clothes. Unclothes.
Whatever.
O yes, my children, I can see it all. Transparent plastic sole protectors... a discreet bag with a fold-out temperature-resistant mat for sitting on cold or hot surfaces... public fornication becoming much more prevalent.
O yes... I have seen the future.
And it's naked.
Today's my first day as a junior at Chapman University. I'll be updating again today with a run-down of how it went, as I'm on break in between classes right now and would prefer to judge the day as a whole. You understand. And care.
posted by DeadLanguage at 1:49 PM
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