Endorsement

Cars I have seen recently:

1) A crappy little rocket flying down the street who I then came to rest behind at a traffic light. On his car were several stickers, the mark of someone wholly bereft of personality that they must cling, like a peice of latex to a car trunk, to whatever symbols and phrases hopefully shape out some semblance of their likes and dislike. It is in this fashion that the boy had made his car.

The stickers were largely political, and largely pro-Bush. Bush-Cheney, a Kerry-Edwards sticker chopped up to look... I don't know... disjointed I guess. A "No on Prop 66" (this is a couple months after the voting was all taken care of), and a few others. Before I get too into this, I'd like to bring up a conversation with a co-worker I had recently, where he expressed that he believed Bush should have been re-elected because he'd made some mistakes, and now he should have the chance to make up for them. To clarify this thought, if for no one else's benefit than for his own, I explained that his theory boils down to, "We should re-elect Bush BECAUSE he fucked up." Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the average mindset of the swing-voters. Folks, the only for sure reason NOT to vote for someone is that they. fucked. up. "Oh, but Kerry didn't have a plan!" I prefer no plan! Give me no plan! If I have a choice between no plan, or a plan that is "Kill Everybody," I pick no plan. Anyway, paints a bit of the Republican anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-anything-but-ignorance picture.

The distressing thing was, right in the center of all of these statements of ignorance and bigotry (which Republicanism is becoming more and more synonymous with) was a single sticker, bigger than the others, seeming to dwarf any meaning the others held.

Just next to the lock on the trunk was, simply, "U2."

Now, let's leave aside the fact that someone who is so damn into the Republicans would probably disagree with U2 enough to not like their music, let's even overlook the argument of, "I just like how it sounds, man. Not everything's about politics!" Because your choice in music doesn't have to reflect your taste in government, even if your car does. No, let's look at this. If U2 ever came across your vehicle, sir, they would vomit blood from their eyes.

I can assure you, my friend, that U2 does not support you, and that, were U2 to come upon your vehicle, and were they to suddenly become equal to me in love of violence, the act of vandalizing your car in every way imaginable, both destructively and defilently, would precipitate.

That being said, think of a better way to express your opinions than stickers. They are for the weak. The only sticker I've ever seen worth a damn on a car was one that, in my eyes, seemed a comment on all the others out there. It simply said, "God Bless Everyone. No Exceptions." I'm not one for being particularly religious, but good for that person. Hell, Good for all persons, I guess.

2) A Totyota Cressida, a species of car seldome recognized until actually viewed, at which point the observer invariably comments, "Oh yeah, that car." It's ugly, but not even enough to be remembered as such. A singularly forgettable vehicle. The man driving it, a good 280-300 pounds. Overweight. On the rear windshield of the car, on the whole windshield of the car, a white Nike Swoosh, big enough to obscure the man's vision, should he not be able to rotate in his seat to loook behind him, which he almost certianly wasn't.

Again, if the Board Members of Nike saw you driving around in that car, with the symbol of their company emblazoned across it as you drove away...

Well, they probably wouldn't care.

But you're a jackass. And I think that's all I reasonably have to say about you. Don't spend that much money on stickers promoting sports attire when you can't get out of your conveyance without becoming winded. Stupid person.

There are some things that stick with me so much, that have just become such a part of my general theory of existence, that I don't talk about them here because... going over my day... I don't really think of them as anything new to speak of. They've become such a given in my life that my mind glosses over them. How, if you leave something somewhere for long enough, you eventually lose it in plain sight. Because of this, I've decided to start putting some of these constants down as Indelibles. They'll be concepts that I don't even necessarily think about that much, but that are always there, in the back of my mind, as accepted truths. That being said, I present the first Indelible here, and just to make sure it's antithetic to the rest of my theorums, they'll all appear like this.

Anyway, something that I accept as an unchanging guideline of the universe:

McDonald's and Coca-Cola desperately need to purge their advertising departments.

That being said, we'll delve a little bit into why, o why, this is so critical to my sanity.

Little compels me more to drive into oncoming traffic than hearing one of their commercials come ont he radio. Be it "Ba-da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it," or "It's a Diet Coke with Lime thing... it's a very unfreshened fine thing..." whatever it actually says... I despise it. It's some of the most insipid advertising I've ever heard. And the sad thing is that cheap-shotters like Pepsi have better ads because they're not just saying, "Okay, let's write another song." Stop with the different genres of the same song. No more rap remixes of "I'm Lovin' It," or poor Freddy Mercury bursting into flames in his grave while "I Want to Break Free" plays over a bunch of people in suits playing in a fire hydrant. C2 will not solve your problems, and it will not fabricate you a personality.

Only Southern Comfort can do that. Or SoCo, as the kids are calling it now, I hear.

Anyway, so that's my first Indelible. I feel pretty good about it. I hope I realize there are more to write about, but that's the only one that I noticed recently. We'll see what comes up the more closely I scrutinize my own psyche.

I'm going to stop promising Porn Bingo, because I know it's meaningless after so long to keep stringing you along. I can only say that I know, in my heart of hearts, I will someday bring this to you, and until that day you must be patient. I love you all, and would not want to hurt you.

It's a Coke with Lemonade thing. There are no other things.